Scott Walker - The Drift (2006)

Scott Walker - The Drift (2006)

I'm having a hard time coming up with the proper hyperbole for just how terrible this album is. It's quite possibly the worst album that I've bothered to listen to in it's entirety, and I say this having a fiancée who casually enjoys 80's pop music and a good friend who once adored Killswitch Engage. Yes, that is how bad The Drift is.

Though I hated this album from the outset, I still gave it chances because I found it so hard to believe that this was one of the most acclaimed albums of 2006. I figured I must be missing something. But I later came to realize that The Drift is just one pathetic failed experiment. When it tries to be brooding and atmospheric it ends up being boring. When it tries to be dramatic and scary it ends up being utterly laughable, like some prepubescent crackly-voiced teenager in a cheap mask that jumps out at you and growls during any number of shoddy "haunted house" productions that go up around town during Halloween, except I have no incentive to hold in my laughter so as not to make the kid feel bad. I mean, at least he tried. I'm not sure if I could even say that much for Walker.

Unless...unless my theory holds true. That being that this album is just one big joke that Scott Walker is playing on all of the overly pretentious art fucks out there, and that on his deathbed he'll just be like "Hey man, you know that Drift album I did? PSYCHE!! HAHAHAHA I purposely set out to make the worst album I could without it being completely obvious just to see if people would catch on, AND THEY TOTALLY DIDN'T! Just goes to show you that people wouldn't know the difference between good art and bad art if it punched them in the face."

I don't even have the energy to describe how this album sounds and I barely feel like wasting the server space to upload tracks, but for examples sake, I've given you the first one. I'll warn you, though, it just gets worse from there.



Score: 1/10


"Cossacks Are"

Circulus - The Lick On The Tip Of An Envelope Yet To Be Sent (2005)

Circulus - The Lick On The Tip Of An Envelope Yet To Be Sent (2005)

It's embarrassingly easy to dismiss Circulus as a joke when you first hear them. In fact, throughout my first listen to this album, I thought of a number of snarky lines I could use to begin this review, including, but certainly not limited to:

• "Imagine a bunch of LARPer's got together and decided to record a theme song for themselves but accidentally started a band in the process..."

• "Imagine a group of people were eating at Denny's after the Renaissance Fair and thought to themselves: "There aren't enough flute-based bands out there. We should do something about that"..."

• "You know that group of D & D nerds that you went to high school with? Welp, here's what they've been up to lately..."
  

Then something interesting happens: you start to notice that they're actually good, and it throws a kink in that hilarious review you had in mind that had all but written itself before the album had even ended. The same song that made you laugh when it first started catches your attention later when you realize how beautifully arranged it is. Then you notice that the guitar solo on the next song is excellent. And then another song comes on later that sounds like it came straight out of a 1960's greatest hits collection. Then you start to silently curse Circulus for making themselves so difficult to pin down. It's as if they've come up to you personally, held up a middle finger and said "We care not for thou witty hyperboles, foul miscreant. Be gone." Except you don't get mad and instead start thinking that maybe you really are a foul miscreant. It's all very epiphanous, actually.

Seeing as this is a psychedelic freak-folk album, it would be easy for me to compare The Lick to Comus' eponymous 1971 album, First Utterance. Thankfully, I've never been known for my Puritan work ethic, so that's exactly what I'm going to do. All of the elements are there: the medieval atmosphere. The male/female vocal arrangements. The weird lyrical allegories. Cynics could probably argue that the only significant difference between the two albums is 34 years. With closer inspection, however, it's clear that Circulus is more than just a tribute band. They carve their own niche and have their own sound that, while similar to Comus, is all their own. Which is hard to do in such an obscure genre.

There's a lyric on the song "We Are Long Lost " that says "If we don't believe in fantasy, we are lost". Judging by the general weirdness of this album, along with the pictures in the booklet that show, among other images, the band jollily skipping along an open field in Renaissance outfits, I'd be surprised if this lyric were not directed at Circulus themselves. I couldn't imagine the members of this band existing comfortably in a modern Western world, but as long as they're giving us music like this while trapped in the fantasy world they've created, I'm not going to hate on how they choose to carry out their lives......the friggin' weirdos.


Score: 8/10

"My Body Is Made Of Sunlight"


"Swallow"

Alain Goraguer - La Planète Sauvage (1973)

Alain Goraguer - La Planète Sauvage (1973)

Has anyone coined the term "dream funk"? [ed. note: A quick Google search reveals some death metal band in the UK goes by that name, as well as a Japanese techno artist on MySpace, but they're unsigned, so screw them] If not, then I'd like to officially apply that term to the music of Alain Goraguer. This album is the soundtrack to an animated French sci-fi film called La Planète Sauvage (Fantastic Planet). I've never gotten high on any sort of psychedelics, but if the YouTube clips tell me anything, then this seems one film to avoid watching while on an acid trip.

The surrealistic animation fits extremely well with the music, and vice versa. Effects-laden guitar and synthesizers establish the dreamlike atmosphere, and combined with the flute and rhythmic bass riffs, the album is also groovy at times. The result is a sound that's sounds equal parts Curtis Mayfield and Robert Wyatt: unique to the point that it deserves to be considered a genre all its own. A genre in need of a name. Might I recommend Dream Funk? No? Well...fine then.

Score: 8/10


"Déshominisation I"


"Maquillage de Tiwa"


"Les Fusées"

Mike Patton - A Perfect Place (2008)

Mike Patton - A Perfect Place (2008)

Well, there's no mistaking it: this is definitely a Mike Patton record. Even if you ignore such dead giveaways as his name being printed all over the digipak or his distinctive singing voice on a handful of the albums' fifteen tracks, it's clear to anyone familiar with his past work that this has his fingerprints all over it.

A Perfect Place is Patton's first official film score, but he seems to be perfectly at home working in this medium. His music has always had somewhat of a theatrical quality to it, acting almost as a soundtrack for a movie that only exists inside his head. The collaborative work that he's done with film composers Kaada (Romances) and John Zorn, as well as his admiration and emulation of Ennio Morricone -- 2005's Crime & Dissonance, compiled by Patton, is one of the best Morricone collections out there -- have also prepared him for this task, and he's able to make it all his own. A Perfect Place is dripping with his personality and works well as a stand alone album (I've yet to watch the actual short film, which comes packaged with the CD). I wouldn't be surprised if this opens the door for future film scores for him. It does seem to be his calling, after all.

Score: 7/10

"A Perfect Twist (Vocal)"


"A Little Poker Tomorrow Night"